Dirtbag Beauty Secret: Gold Bond Foot Powder

Benefits of Gold Bond Foot Powder (or, what Gold Bond does for me):

• Dry, slime-free feet—every day!
• Fewer complaints from my climbing partners when I take my shoes off on small belay ledges.
• An enormous decrease of fowl scents in the Eurovan.
• After several days—or weeks—without a shower, a little splash of Gold Bond under the arms or down the pants goes a long way. (And if your skin is too sensitive for the medicated foot-specific powder, Gold Bond Body Powder in the yellow bottle is a great alternative.)

MY JOURNEY TO GOLD BOND

Crawling out of our tent last summer, my co-instructor shook his head at the pristine alpine cirque surrounding us, and exclaimed that his world had been consumed by two scents: coffee and the smell of my feet. My secret coffee stash exploded in my backpack recently; my foot odor was a three-year-old life-problem. Our six Outward Bound students giggled from inside their tents, and to the amusement of my co-instructor, I quickly sniffed my crusty wool socks before stuffing my feet inside. All you need is Gold Bond, I heard the voice of one of my climbing partners inside my head.

After the course, one of the logistics coordinators handed me a bottle of bleach for my feet. It was a joke, but rumors about my foot-stink were spreading around base camp: I might as well try the bleach, I thought. So every night for a week I rinsed my feet in a bucket of bleach and water, hoping to kill the fowl fungus that now covered the bottoms of my feet and threatened to creep under each toenail. The bleach solution dried out my feet, but left the pads raw and painfully sensitive. Climbing shoes hurt, and edging was so painful I refused to lead sport routes. Why didn't I just buy some Gold Bond, I thought. On my next course I tripped several times during the first few days—on trail—because my feet felt strangely numb. Needless to say, I quit using the bleach solution and my feet began to rot again.

All you need is Gold Bond. Almost every time I took off my shoes last summer, I heard the voice of my climbing partner. He carries a small bottle of Gold Bond Body Powder with him everywhere; I was first introduced to the product when he pulled it out of our shared backpack at the top of the East Buttress of Middle Cathedral, in Yosemite, and quickly sprinkled some in his socks before putting on his approach shoes. We carried a bottle of Gold Bond up 11 pitches, I thought, staring at him. I watched as he put a dash under his armpits and told me, with a large smile, it was great for crotch-itch and -stink as well.

To my climbing partner’s credit he meant to leave the bottle of Gold Bond at the base of the climb, and simply forgot to take it out of the backpack. (Unlike the Tupperware container of tuna mac that exploded and juiced down my back as I lead the final off-width pitch, the bottle of Gold Bond stayed perfectly intact.) The image of my six-foot-three partner showing off his small bottle of Gold Bond after 1100 feet  of climbing, with El Cap looming in the background, sent a powerful message: Gold Bond must be the shit. On the descent, he assured me Gold Bond was the cure for my unbearable foot funk (we’d been living out of his small Toyota Corolla for a week at this point).

But last spring and summer, and well into the fall, I neglected to purchase the miracle product. Until one day, while I was moving quickly at a grocery store outside of Joshua Tree, and a friend snuck a big blue bottle of Extra Strength Gold Bond into my shopping basket.

My climbing partner was right. All I needed was Gold Bond.

Ask me now what my world smells like. The ever-present smell of coffee in my life (I spill a lot in the Eurovan) is now mixed with the mint-fresh scent of Gold Bond Extra-Strength Medicated Foot Powder. And another bonus: my feet no longer look like shriveled, yellow parts of a cadaver.

TYPES OF GOLD BOND BRAND POWDER

Gold Bond Medicated Foot Powder

In Gold Bond’s words: “…controls foot odor and odor-causing bacteria, provides maximum strength itch relief, and cools and soothes irritated skin.”

            *This is my favorite. Gold Bond claims it’s just for your feet, but I can handle it almost anywhere.

Gold Bond Original Strength Body Powder

“…the powder with the power,” as Gold Bond says.

            *This is the product my partner from Yosemite uses. He doesn’t use deodorant, and rarely showers. Thanks to Gold Bond, he usually smells fairly decent, too.

Extra Strength Gold Bond Body Powder

In Gold Bonds words: “…five times more medicine [then regular strength] for what ails you and delivers a more potent cooling kick.”

            *I haven’t tried this one yet, but if the tingle from the foot powder is too much for you, it could be a good compromise.